The Party is Over

"Ehh!" Cutie Pie rubs his eyes.

"Just try to keep him up another hour."

"Ehh! Ehh!" More eye rubbing.

Cutie Pie is giving us all the classic signs that he is exhausted. If we ignore him, he is sure to let us know his displeasure. He obviously needs to go to bed. The only problem is that this scene played out at a wedding, shortly after dinner was served. I never got to dance with my husband. I didn't even get to see the cake. My night was over. The boss said so.

Da Da and I had to leave our friends and family. While they celebrated, we slowly trudged back to our room with Cutie Pie. When people tell you having a baby is like being grounded 24/7, they aren't kidding.

Cutie Pie was asleep within minutes. The only high point of the evening was when Cutie Pie's Uncle took pity on us and delivered a slice of wedding cake.

I felt incredible guilt for leaving early with little Cutie Pie. I am one of those people who always stays to the end of the reception, sending off my loved ones in a shower of birdseed or rose petals or bubbles or whatever. I didn't want to be perceived as rude for leaving so early but I didn't want anyone to get upset with me for ruining the reception with my screaming baby. Cutie Pie didn't care if Mommy felt guilty, he was sleepy and making sure he got to bed was all that mattered. Being a responsible parent is no fun.

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All Done!

"Alright Cutie Pie are you ready to eat? "

"All Done!"

"What? You're all done?"

"All Done!"

"OK. If you say so." I put the spoon and bowl away.

"Aaah!" Cutie Pie reaches for the food. "All Done!"

I'm starting to think that Cutie Pie doesn't know what "All Done" means. We were so proud of him when he started signing. "All Done" isn't a real sign but the kids in our family are taught to put their arms in the air to express that they are through eating. It seemed like a good idea to me so we began teaching Cutie Pie this easy sign.

After just a few weeks, he seemed to show us his sign for "All Done" at the end of his meals. I was so proud when I told his Teachers at school about my super intelligent baby and I asked them to please reinforce his signing when he eats in the classroom. We really thought we were getting somewhere. But in the last few days, Cutie Pie has been signing "All Done" and saying "Ah Duh!" right away when he sits down to eat. Then when we stop feeding him, he gets upset! Oh well. At least he knows to say "All Done" at meals.

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Cutie Pie is Back!

What a long week it has been! Last Thursday I went to pick up Cutie Pie from school and I heard two of the most horrifying words I have ever heard: Pink-eye. Cutie Pie had been exposed! Now at face value these words don't seem alarming. Pink is a pretty color. Eyes aren't scary. But I soon found out just how terrifying these words can be.

The next morning, I took my puffy, crusty-eyed baby to the doctor. Cutie Pie put on his usual show of flirting with the nurses and trying to snatch the stethoscope out of the doctor's ears. We were given a prescription for fancy eye drops and sent home with instructions to lay low until the illness passed.

Unfortunately for me, Cutie Pie's Daddy was out of town so I had to entertain a mobile seven month old by myself all weekend. Cutie Pie didn't like the eye drops. He cried like his world had ended each time he saw the drops come close to his face. No toy or song could distract him from that medicine bottle. Not even Old McDonald!

When Cutie Pie doesn't feel good, Cutie Pie doesn't sleep. My little boy becomes his alter ego, Mr. Crankypants. He stays up all night, loudly protesting everything Mommy tries to make him happy. No toys! No swing! No blanky! Poor Cutie Pie. Poor Mommy!

Cutie Pie got restless spending all that time at home with no one but a tired Mommy to play with. He grew bored of chasing the dogs and began working on his pulling up skills. He mastered the coffee table and the couch but the dining table is still a little tricky. He fell a few times and earned some new bumps and bruises.

Somehow we made it through the weekend. I was so excited to get back into our routine on Monday. I got all dressed up in grown up clothes and was walking out the door when Cutie Pie threw up all over both of us. Here we go again.

Cutie Pie went back to the doctor. He had a sore throat that caused him to cough each time something touches his throat, including drool and food. So he pretty much coughed all day and night. And when he coughed too hard, he threw up.

So my staycation continued with Cutie Pie. In between baths, I got a crash course in Pedialyte. I discovered that the clear stuff is way better than the flavored stuff. Why would you give a baby, who is already throwing up, a liquid with dye in it? That is just asking for trouble. As if it's not bad enough that you're going to have to do a million loads of laundry, you've got to scrub colorful dye out of all the bibs too!

Thank goodness for Cutie Pie's Grandma. She took pity on us and came to help out today. She spent the day with my coughing, grumpy Cutie Pie so I could take a break and go to the office. She must have the magic touch because he is feeling much better tonight and is actually sleeping! It's been a long week but Cutie Pie is back!

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Read To Me, Cutie Pie!

I was watching the news this morning when I heard something very disturbing. It was a commercial for Your Baby Can Read. One mother said her eight month old child was already reading. I highly doubt the legitimacy of that claim. An eight month old doesn't even really talk. How can she tell the child is reading? If I gave Cutie Pie a book that said "blah la hey," I could brag to all my friends that he was reading too!

I've been reading to Cutie Pie every day since I brought him home from the hospital. He sometimes seems to listen. Sometimes he even looks at the book while I read. He's had ample opportunity to discover books and words. But to Cutie Pie, books are food. Every book he gets his hands on goes straight to his mouth. I tried to take him to the library but that was a big mistake!

That stupid commercial must've gotten to me because I found myself pointing out the letters and numbers on his Fisher Price learning table later that day. I used to just marvel at how he pulled himself up to the table and managed to balance while pushing the buttons. I loved to watch him laugh at the colorful lights as he learned how to make the toy sing and shine for him. Now that's not enough anymore. Now I've got to teach him stuff. He's already seven months old!

So I googled the company's website and checked it out. The sight looks nice and colorful. They have a video of a baby "reading." It all looks pretty cool. I guess it would be nice to have the amazing child who can read. I'm not interested in teaching him to read quite yet though. I think I want to enjoy his "babyhood" a little bit longer.

You know what would be really great? Some kind of amazing system that teaches your baby to feed himself with a spoon and change his own diaper. Now that's a DVD I'd buy!

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No! No! No!

"Here we go Cutie Pie! It's a new food. No, you put it in your mouth. What's wrong? It's not yucky, it's good. Put it back in your mouth. You'll like it. No, leave it in your mouth. It's good. Yum yum yum! What's wrong? Are you choking? Why are you coughing? It's not even in your mouth! OK, smile and open wide. Here comes another bite!"

Cutie Pie is expanding his repertoire of food. Each day we try a new food or texture. He used to be very adventurous, willing to try anything new. Now he is becoming more cautious. He is careful when he puts new foods in his mouth and sometimes makes his I don't like it face before the food even touches his lips! He's never had an allergic reaction or a bad experience with food. So, I'm not sure where this new apprehension is coming from. Luckily once he tastes it, he usually likes it. He's even starting to like bananas.

Just a few weeks ago, I could name every food he'd ever had. But now that he's a solid food pro it is easier for me to name foods he hasn't had.

Cutie Pie is now only mildly interested in eating but he is fascinated by the mess he can make with his food. He actively tries to knock the food off the spoon. Once there is a splat of something on his high chair tray, he reaches for it enthusiastically and smears it as far as he can reach. Then Cutie Pie likes to grab his sippy cup and slam it on the table. He knows it won't spill if he tips it over but he can get water to fly out the spout if he bangs it. So this is what he does. He closes his eyes because he knows he will get splashed in the face.

Meal time has become great fun for Cutie Pie. He especially likes it when we have guests over so he can show off his new tricks to visitors. He loves to smile and flirt with Grandma in between bites.

Somehow he has learned to shake his head as if he is saying "No! No! No!" I have no idea how he learned this because as far as I can remember, Cutie Pie has never even heard the word no! Meal time is especially fun to say No. Cutie Pie likes to do it right as the spoon is entering his mouth, sending food flying every which way. It's part of his plan for turning meal time into play time. The kid is a genius.

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Mom Envy

The other day, Cutie Pie and I ran into a family that I met in my hospital birthing class. They had a baby boy just a few weeks after Cutie Pie was born. The other Mommy was one of those people who always looked perfect and put together, even in her third trimester. I swear she wore designer maternity clothes to class, even though all we did there was roll around on mats on the floor, practicing how we might cope with labor pain if for some reason we did not get an epidural.


This day, the other Mommy was still dressed up and her hair done to perfection. She introduced me to her son, who had one of those weird trendy names. He wore a matching Ralph Lauren outfit with a collar so crisp it looked like it had come straight from the cleaners.


They looked like a picture of motherhood that you might see in a magazine. Her little doll gazed at me passively while his mother held him. He had the longest hair I'd ever seen on a baby and when I asked his mom about it, she said "Oh, he was born with that hair. Isn't it the cutest thing?"


Meanwhile, I was holding Cutie Pie. He was being his usual active self. Cutie Pie babbled and grabbed at the pen in my hand. He waved his arms around, smiled and gurgled at the other family. Cutie Pie was already on his second outfit of the day and in need of his third. My first choice had been covered in applesauce and never even made it out the door. The clothes he wore were collecting a puddle of drool down the front from the neverending stream coming from Cutie Pie's mouth that could rival Niagra Falls.


So why did this chance meeting stick in my head? I haven't thought about those people since we had our last hospital class. I'll probably never see them again. But for some reason, I can't stop thinking about how much I dislike that other mommy. She made it look so easy. Too easy!

I know that we, mommies should stick together. We shouldn't compare ourselves to one another. We should support each other. But, instead of feeling happy for her and her family, I just felt annoyed that she somehow found time to put on makeup.

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Shots?!

Cutie Pie recently went for his six month well-check appointment. The visit went well. The doctor checked him all over and declared him perfect. All except for a little cold. Then the doctor asked me, the most anxious new mother in the world, if I felt comfortable with Cutie Pie getting his shots today. "Uh.. I guess so? He only has a little cold. The worst of it passed days ago. I got plenty of sleep last night so that must mean he's not sick, right?" What I should have said was, "You're the doctor! Tell me if YOU feel comfortable with Cutie Pie getting his shots today!"


Well, as you may have guessed, Cutie Pie got his shots. This led to 24 hours of anxiety and nervousness for Mommy and crankiness for everyone involved. I had just finished reading Jenny McCarthy's book, "Mother Warriors." OK, you got me. I didn't actually read it. I listened to the audio version in the car whenever Cutie Pie wasn't there and I could safely turn off the never ending Wee Sing CD that haunts my brain all day. Her book was terrifying. Many of the parents she interviewed said their children were sick when they got their vaccinations. She explained that their teeny tiny immune systems couldn't fight off the germs and the shot at the same time. Those babies became autistic after they got their shots. One Mommy said that she gave her baby medicine to help with the pain of the shots and that the medicine likely contributed to her child getting autism.

So there I was, a nervous wreck. The nurses got out their syringes and I'm cringing and wondering if I will live to regret this day. They gave Cutie Pie his shots and he didn't even cry. He got a second shot and he whimpered but he stopped in the one second it took the nurse to pick him up and hand him to me. He smiled and laughed while I got him dressed and I took my Cutie Pie home.

Between jars of baby food and countless verses of Old McDonald, I watched my Cutie Pie for signs of a reaction. Nothing. Whew! He's been his usual self all week. I realize that I am very lucky to have a healthy child.

No more books for Mommy. I think I'm going to go back to listening to that baby CD. It may haunt me but at least it doesn't cause anxiety attacks.

http://theadventuresofcutiepie.blogspot.com/

Sleep Wars II: Mommy Strikes Back

Cutie Pie usually wakes up happy. He lays in his bed cooing and playing with his feet until I come in and get him up. The morning after the Ferber experiment was horrible. He woke up screaming. He was agitated all morning. My Mommy guilt was unbearable. He seemed to be angry with me for letting him cry. The book promised that my child would "be happy to see [me] the next morning." The book was wrong.

I am always worried about doing things right for Cutie Pie. I use my baby books like assembly instructions. OK, if I just do this and then that, everything will turn out perfectly. But now I'm starting to question their authority. Just who is this Ferber guy and why does he hate babies so much?

Cutie Pie was back to his old self by yesterday afternoon. I put him to bed using the same old routine I always use. Only last night, Cutie Pie was sleepy. The dogs didn't bark. Everything went smoothly and Cutie Pie slept over 12 hours straight. I actually got to take a shower AND brush my teeth in the morning!

Take that, Ferber!

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Sleep Wars

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a perfect baby who slept through the night, only waking for legitimate reasons and he easily fell back asleep when his mother put him into his bed. Cutie Pie has never met this baby.

For the past few nights, Cutie Pie has been running the show. He hasn't been sleeping well because he's been getting over a cold. Each time he coughs he wakes himself up. Then he's miserable because he wants to be asleep but he's wide awake.

I realized tonight that Cutie Pie's cold is gone but he's still crying each time he wakes up. I also noticed that I am running into his room just like I said I never would do. I heard a wail or shriek and it was like I'm off to the races. I would arrive at his crib side panting. Cutie Pie would just smile. Sometimes he'd even laugh. This is how I knew that if I ever wanted to sleep again, it was time to do something about it.

My favorite baby-bible, "Baby 411" says that six month old babies often develop bad sleep habits and it's time for me to teach my Cutie Pie how to fall asleep properly. I read the chapter on Ferberizing Cutie Pie and the next time Cutie Pie woke up I tried it out.

It was horrible. It was torture. Cutie Pie screamed and wailed. He cried big crocodile tears. I cried too. The first five minutes seemed like five years. I kept reading the line in the book that says "Yes, the first night will be ugly." Yeah, no kidding. But I held strong because I felt like this was the right thing to do.

The phone rang and someone (you know who you are) told me he sounded like he was sick. Thanks for being supportive. Now my Mom-anxiety was running on overdrive. What if he is sick and I just don't know it? He wasn't. What if letting him cry will emotionally scar him for life? I'm pretty sure that won't happen in one night. What if Ferberizing means teaching Cutie Pie to just give up on his goals and I'm sending him down a path of failure? That one was a stretch.

As you can tell, I gave up. I picked up my baby boy. I cuddled and kissed him and he laughed and laughed. Boy is he good. Then we started our bedtime routine over. We rocked, read and nursed until he fell asleep. I laid him down in his crib and tip toed out of the room. I felt like a failure because I caved. But at least he was asleep.

Not two minutes later, the dog barked. I wanted to scream but Cutie Pie did it for me. Here we go again. I would try the technique again. I understood that it would be harder this time because I had already given in but I was prepared. Or so I thought. I don't know how many cycles of the technique I waited because it all seems like an emotional blur. But I caved again and failure never felt so good.

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My Shadow and Me

"And everywhere that Mommy went, Mommy went, Mommy went, and everywhere that Mommy went, Cutie Pie was sure to go!" Cutie Pie has become my shadow. We are inseparable. If I need to get up to answer the phone, Cutie Pie's eyes follow me all the way there. If heaven forbid I leave the room, Cutie Pie announces my departure as loudly as he can. If I need to take a shower, Cutie Pie is in his exer-saucer happily playing right next to the tub.

I was warned that having children causes you to lose your privacy. I'm not so worried about that as much as I'm concerned that if Cutie Pie gets much bigger, I'm not going to be able to carry him with one arm while I cook dinner, take out the garbage and/or make the bed.

Nap time has become a very important time of day. Not only does taking a good nap ensure that Cutie Pie is well-rested and happy. It also means that Mommy gets a chance to do some quick cleaning, make some lunch or take a shower with the door closed. I don't like to run errands with Cutie Pie because he naps in the car and it's a waste of a perfectly good nap for Mommy.

I am enjoying the attention I get from my Cutie Pie. He likes me to sit by him while he pushes up on all fours and attempts to crawl. He's got the army crawl and the backward crawl down pat. He wants to crawl forward so badly. He pushes up with his arms, concentrates on something in front of him and cries. I try to help him crawl but not too much because I want him to figure it out. I want Cutie Pie to grow into an independent little boy.

He is on the verge of getting it. Pretty soon, having a shadow will be the least of my problems. Once he starts crawling, I won't have to rush back into the room where Cutie Pie plays because he'll just follow me. Or worse, he'll crawl the other way and get into mischief.

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Mommy's Little Addiction

My husband emailed me this article from CNN about mommies who are addicted to the internet. I'm pretty sure I'm not addicted because I rarely have time to go online. Many of my blog posts are created with Cutie Pie sitting in my lap. He's becoming a fast typist.

I can totally see how the internet can be addictive, especially for a Mommy. The internet replaces the neighbors with social networking. Everyone hates getting cornered by the Mommy-Know-It-All who who tells you how you are doing everything wrong. When you come across one online, you just close your browser window. Out of sight, out of mind.

Stay at home moms are truly stuck at home alone all day. Because so many moms work outside the home, the Moms who choose to stay home with their kids don't have the social network of SAHM that our mothers and grandmothers had. My neighbors are mostly elderly folk so me and my Cutie Pie won't be able to play with other kids in the neighborhood unless we move. The internet is the perfect replacement for a neighborhood of Mommies because any time you have a parenting question or concern, you just consult the University of Google for your answer. You can find a wide variety of opinions and choose the one you like best without feeling any pressure from your Know-It-All friends.

It's so easy to log on while baby is happily playing with its toys or napping like my Cutie Pie is doing right now. The internet has its time efficiency benefits too. When you are a busy Mom on the go, you can surf the net quickly to catch up on the news, celebrity gossip and latest baby research findings.

The article seems to have some pretty extreme examples of internet use. I think the internet, like most things, is OK in moderation. I'm not itching to go online while I play with Cutie Pie. But I have noticed that when he does something super cute or funny, I think to myself that is totally going in my blog. I don't think that makes me addicted. I think that makes me kind of a dork.

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Green Baby

What would I do without my plastic single serving water bottles? I know, I know, water bottles are evil. They are the enemy of our planet. They fill up the landfills and harm our environment. I am a horrible person for purchasing them but I just can't stop myself because they are so convenient.

Disposable diapers fill up landfills too but you don't see any big campaigns to get rid of them. I haven't seen any of the major diaper companies selling smaller diapers using less material. Why is that? Probably because no one would buy them! If people cared about the environment more than getting baby goop on the furniture they would switch to cloth!

Turn that frown upside down! My Cutie Pie loves to play with my so called evil water bottles. He thinks they are fascinating. He likes to crunch the plastic with his little hands and roll the bottle on the floor. And when he's done playing with it, we give it to the dogs. They carry the bottle around in their mouths like they won a prize.

Water bottles can easily be recycled into toys, using absolutely no energy. Cutie Pie is already saving the planet!

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Call me Super Mom

Cutie Pie sat down in his baby pool and immediately began to wail. He did not like it and he wanted out NOW! I knew that once he spent time in the pool he would love it. After all, he loves bath time. But I also knew that he was never going to change his mind about the pool if he associated it with crying so I quickly scooped him up. He got hugs and kisses until he was happy again. Then being the sneaky Mommy I am, I sat with him in the pool. But Cutie Pie knew I was up to something and the second his little tushy got wet, the crying started all over again.

Daddy was devastated. He had been waiting patiently with the camera pointed at Cutie Pie this whole time. He was imagining all the great shots he would get of a laughing baby splashing in the sun. The pictures he did take, I later deleted. I don't particularly want to remember Cutie Pie's tears.

After Cutie Pie had taken his break for a respectable amount of time, I sat him down to play on the porch while I dragged the little baby pool over to him. Cutie Pie and I sat next to the pool for a while and he watched me play with the pool toys. When he showed some interest, I gave the toys to him. Then after a while I picked him up and put him in the pool with his toys. And... it... worked... He didn't cry. Then a few minutes later he started smiling and laughing. Out came the camera!

Later that evening, I reflected on my stroke of genius. I had faced an albeit small challenge of motherhood and won! I basked in my accomplishment. Then I began to think about this little incident from my Cutie Pie's point of view. Who knows why Cutie Pie didn't like the pool? Maybe he didn't like wearing clothes in the water or maybe it was too cold. Or perhaps the pool was something unfamiliar and he wasn't in the mood to try anything new.

If I could only figure out why Cutie Pie was upset, I could win more of these battles in the future. I could anticipate challenges and swat them down like flies. I could become a Super Mom.

I know, I know, I've gone too far. No one can be a perfect mother. My child is going to cry, get sick, fall down, have tantrums and drive me crazy. I understand that there is nothing I can do to prevent it. It's just nice to not feel like a failure for once. Let me have my moment in the sun.

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Help! I'm Buried Under a Mountain of Baby Stuff!

One of the things that has surprised me most about having a child is the mountain of stuff you have to take with you every time you leave the house. A simple trip to the ball field the other day required an hour of preparation. Now I know why people with small children don't like to leave the house. It's not worth the trouble.

We had a mat to lay on the ground so Cutie Pie can crawl. We had teething rings, toys, the mesh feeding thingy that he likes, ice, diapers, bibs and a change of clothes. Of course, no matter how much you plan and pack there is always something you forget. Cutie Pie could have used a fewer teething rings and more toys. Once again, Mommy failed to anticipate Cutie Pie's every need and want. Did you know that there are actually websites with packing checklists for baby? Apparently Mommies just don't have any excuse for forgetting anymore!

Cutie Pie seemed to enjoy himself. He loves to practice the fine art of flirting and the ball park gave him the perfect opportunity. Cutie Pie smiled and cooed at all the ladies and had them eating out of his hand. Then he got bored.

When Cutie Pie loses interest in something, Mommy's challenge begins! Here Cutie Pie, play with this teething ring. Cutie Pie drops it. Here try this toy. Cutie Pie looks away and starts making warning grunts. Would you like a piece of ice? Yum! Then I swear Cutie Pie repeated me. He said Yum, too. Except the tone was different and kind of unpleasant. I was in trouble and I knew it. The game was over. I thought fast. I had already gone through the whole mountain of baby stuff so I had to play the trump card. I scooped Cutie Pie up and took him to the car to nurse. I watched my husband win his company softball game through the back car window. By the time Cutie Pie drifted off to sleep, the game was over.

I wish that was the end of the story but it's not. Then I had to take my sleeping infant back over to my mountain of baby stuff and pack it up. By the time I got home, I was completely exhausted. It's not easy moving mountains.

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Haunted

"One elephant went out to play, something something something blah la la la." These are the kind of thoughts that run through my head constantly. Over the past month or so Cutie Pie and I have been listening to kids music. You know, nursery rhymes and "Ring-Around-the-Rosie," stuff like that. Cutie Pie seems to love it but my brain is turning to mush.

My inner monologue has been taken over by the evil geniuses at Wee Sing. If I'm not singing silly songs out loud I'm thinking them all day long. I'm being haunted by Little Bunny Foo Foo! It can be very distracting sometimes.

The worst part is that although I have these songs constantly running through my head, I do not seem to be retaining the lyrics. I completely lost my memory while I was pregnant with Cutie Pie and I self-diagnosed myself with pregnesia. However, I am not pregnant anymore. I guess my memory is lost forever.

I have noticed that there have been some changes to the old Nursery Rhymes in the past thirty years. For instance, "Ten Little Indians" has been replaced by "Ten Elephants." I also noticed that "Three Blind Mice" are suspiciously absent from my baby CDs. I guess the old versions had to be edited because they weren't politically correct. Perhaps if it were called "Three Visually Impaired Mice" it would have made the album. I understand that we don't want to hurt any ones feelings but I do think it's sad that our old fashioned nursery rhymes are disappearing.

I've also been thinking about the lyrics to many of the songs we sing to our children. There is a lot of violent and sad stuff out there! "The Little Old Woman Who Lives In a Shoe" is about a neglectful and abusive mother. The classic "Rock-a-Bye Baby" is about an infant whose cradle is placed in a tree for some unknown reason. Then a strong wind knocks the child to the ground. I can only assume that the child suffers the same fate any child might undergo after falling out of a tree.

When I was a child, I sang all the little songs and never gave one thought to what the nursery rhymes meant or if it might offend someone. I hope that my Cutie Pie is able to enjoy his childhood in the same way. I just wish that "Little Bunny Foo Foo" would take a break from hopping around my brain for awhile so I can get some work done.

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Boo Boo

Poor Cutie Pie has had a rough couple of days. Now that he is becoming more mobile, danger lurks in every corner (and flat surface). Cutie Pie woke up this morning with a little purple bruise on his forehead. It's hardly noticeable but it's officially his first boo boo.

We've had several sitting accidents recently. You know how it goes. Baby is sitting straight up happily playing, when out of nowhere he decides he doesn't want to sit up anymore. His back simply stops supporting him and his head crashes into the floor. This causes a lot of crying, of course. I would be quite upset if I hit my head on the floor too. You've gotta love how Boppy transforms into a baby bumper, perfect for preventing sitting injuries!

Yesterday, Cutie Pie was playing near the wall when BAM, he gave himself the bruise. You can hardly see it anymore. I didn't want to take a picture of it because it made me too sad. I have obviously failed as a mother to allow my child to be injured under my watch. Not only was I watching him when it happened, I was helping him stand next to the wall.

Cutie Pie's injuries upset him greatly but they upset me even more. Each time I kiss his little noggin to make it better I find myself fighting off that motherly anxiety once again. He hit pretty hard that time. Is he going to be OK? Should I call the doctor? If it's after hours then should I take him straight to the ER? How can you tell if a baby has a traumatic brain injury? Has his head always been shaped like that?!

Other moms have told me to get used to it. After all, he's a boy. Boys get boo boos, it's their job. Well my job is to worry and I take my job very seriously!

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Real Toys

When I walk into my house, I am always amazed by its resemblance to a toy store. I used to walk across the room with ease. I decorated with baubles and trinkets from our travels. When one of the dogs played with a squeaky toy it was no big deal. We just kicked it to the corner of the room.

My once pristine living room is now cluttered with playthings. I never thought I would be one of those parents who turned the living room into a child's playroom but it's just so much easier to keep his toys out there. The living room is where the family socializes and spends time together. If we kept the toys hidden in Cutie Pie's room he would never get to play with them.

Cutie Pie has amassed quite a collection in his short six months. We have the Baby Gym on the floor right in the middle of the room. This little gym has provided Cutie Pie with hours of visually stimulating fun. When Cutie Pie began rolling over we bought a foam mat so he can play all he wants without ever having to touch the carpet. We've got teething toys, balls, stacking cups, books, a mini piano, toys that light up and toys that make noise. We even have the dog's toys, which we are constantly having to remove from the baby mat so they don't accidentally touch our precious Cutie Pie. However, my son wants nothing to do with any of his toys. All he wants to do today is play with the old tissue paper left over from Mother's Day.

It reminds me of when I was a kid. We used to turn old wrapping paper tubes into telescopes and microphones. We would make forts and turn sticks and leaves into a gourmet meal, fit to serve a princess. Cutie Pie isn't exactly using his imagination when crumbling up the tissue paper, but he sure is loving it!

I am sure that there are more toys out there that Cutie Pie is missing out on. I've had friends tell me that we need to get him a walker. We should also look at a jumperoo. He needs a baby lounge chair so he has a place to sit. If he doesn't watch Baby Einstein every day then he won't be as smart as his classmates and he'll never get into a good college. OK, I made the last one up. I want my son to have everything but I'm not quite sure where we need to draw the line. After all, he is only six months old. Surely we are depriving Cutie Pie because we have delayed our next run to the toy store. Poor Cutie Pie will just have to make due with that tissue paper.

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Balance

Cutie Pie is learning to crawl. He is getting so close to figuring it out that I don't let him play on the floor unless he's got a video camera pointed at him. It is so amazing to watch him get up on all fours and try to balance and move at the same time. He seems to be terrified of pushing his body forward and whenever he tries, it makes him cry. Surprisingly, he has no trouble crawling backward! He doesn't seem to crawl deliberately and he obviously has no idea where he is going but he really truly is crawling backward. I can't wait to see him figure this crawling thing out and watch him take off. I realized that if he makes his first little move at school where I can't see him, I will be absolutely devastated.

After spending a week of luxuriousness with my Cutie Pie, I decided that I can no longer be a working mom. After mulling it over in my head for a few days and of course, discussing my life changing decision with my husband, I decided to make it official. I resigned from my job! It was the moment most people only dream about! I walked into my supervisor's office and I told her that I wanted to resign. At least that's what I tried to do. She wouldn't let me quit. My boss simply said "No."

What do you mean "No?" I was completely baffled. I can quit if I want to and you can't make me stay! My boss thought fast and told me I could work from home and schedule my office appointments in the evenings around my husband's schedule. I know that many women ask their employers for schedules like mine. I wish I could say that I hammered out a deal with my employer but I'm afraid that I am just too naive for such manipulation. I was just really, really lucky.

It was positively painful to even consider quitting my dream job. It was even harder to think about missing out on precious time with my Cutie Pie. There seems to be no right answer. You either choose to work and feel guilty at leaving your child to be raised by someone else or you choose to stay home and lose your professional identity in the process. It looks like I will be learning to balance too.

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Butterfly Effect

There's a reason they say "Let sleeping babes lie." Everyone knows that it is bad luck to wake a baby. When I picked Cutie Pie up from school today, he was passed out cold in his bed. I told his Teacher I had a dreadful feeling about waking him and boy was I right. He has not slept at all since.

He woke up immediately when I picked him up. By the time we got to the car, his eyes were wide open and he was ready to party. He could not be convinced to play by himself when he got home so I got to practice the art of multitasking by holding him with one hand while cooking, doing dishes and eating my own dinner. Although inconvenient, it's a great workout. My arms have never looked so nice.

Then as if to make matters worse, I interrupted Cutie Pie's evening routine so he could spend a little time with his Dad before he went to bed. Each night Cutie Pie gets his dinner of some pureed vegetable that he will probably never eat again once he is done with baby food. Then he takes his bath. Tonight he learned to splash the water and I never thought I would get him out of that bathtub. He had a blast! He didn't even care when he would splash the water so hard it would get in his eyes. After his bath, Cutie Pie gets dressed for bed. Then he usually says good night to Daddy and the doggies then nurses to sleep while Mommy reads him a story and says prayers. But tonight Daddy was running late so I let Cutie Pie play in his pajamas until he got home. Sounds like no big deal right?

It's like the butterfly effect. Who knew that two small interruptions in his day, could cause so much chaos for Cutie Pie? He has woken up every twenty minutes since I put him down. I think he's dreaming about splashing in the bath because he seems to be trying to splash his sheets. I wonder if they make water beds for babies? I have absolutely no chance of getting any sleep tonight so I might as well surrender now.

Schedule and routine has always been important to my Cutie Pie. Right from the beginning, I noticed that he became agitated when we kept him out late. Those darn baby books I'm always talking about say it's OK to deviate from the schedule every now and then but make sure you follow it most of the time. The baby will be happier following the schedule. It's important that the child know what to expect.

What lesson has Cutie Pie taught me from this experience? Make sure I always bring home a few files from work so I have something to do if I have to stay up all night.

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Back to Work

Now that I am back at work, it's back to pumping breast milk for my Cutie Pie. Each day while I am at work I have to make Cutie Pie's lunch for the next day. It is not always easy.

Breastfeeding on the job is a tricky affair. First you need privacy. Luckily I have an office with no windows. Next you need an electrical outlet to plug in the pump. I have the hardest working outlet ever. It powers a computer, a lamp, the filter for my fish tank, my radio, my digital photo frame with pictures of Cutie Pie constantly playing on a loop all day and now my electric pump. Then you need something to cover up the woosh, woosh noise of the pump. Thank you, radio. A lock on the door is a must. Check! Finally, you need time to actually pump. This one can be a bit complicated.

Sometimes I think I have discreetly slipped into my office when I hear, "Bang, bang, bang! Are you in there? I need to talk to you!" I don't know about you but I just don't feel comfortable having a conversation through the door while I am pumping a bottle. I know you probably think that is strange but I don't like it when people talk to me in public bathrooms either. Boundaries, people! Anyway, my dilemma here is that my coworkers do not know what I am doing but they know I am in my office so they think that I am ignoring them. This has actually caused some conflicts for me in the office. Pumping takes up time that I really should be working. I have gotten quite good at holding my pump while typing and writing. The only thing I absolutely refuse to do is answer the phone.

I have to schedule pumping into my already very busy day and sometimes my schedule doesn't go as planned. Today was full of emergency appointments and surprises. I had to rush through appointments to get people out of my office to avoid having an accident. When you have to pee really bad, you can still hold it. But when it's time to make a bottle, it's time to make a bottle!

Breastfeeding also pays a physical toll on me. My hair is falling out in clumps. It's amazing that I haven't gone bald! I often feel exhausted because it takes so much of my energy. As if it weren't tiring enough to be the mother of an almost six month old baby who remembers that he is teething several times a night!

No matter how hard it gets, it is totally worth it to me to pump for my Cutie Pie. Even though I can't be with him all day, at least I am still feeding him and that helps assuage my crushing guilt at being a working mom. I realize that I am very lucky to have an understanding employer and my own office for privacy. We have noticed that Cutie Pie doesn't get sick as often as the other babies in his class. That fact alone makes it worth the sacrifice. As you know, I don't do well with sick babies!

Also on the bright side, I get to eat like a man twice my size and still lose weight! Best diet ever!

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